"The Fear"

Image provided by Unsplash (unsplash.com).

I realize I skipped an entire week of blogging, and I'll try to make up for it this week with a few extra posts.  I debated even acknowledging this since I don't exactly have a huge number of readers or anything, but I decided I might as well.  I mean, maybe someone out there actually did care that I didn't share anything new last week.  Or maybe I'm just delusional.  Either way, I'm back and ready to write!

And, actually, today I wanted to talk about just that: writing.  (Or, more specifically, blogging.)

I know, I know ... A blog post about blogging.  How original.  This isn't going to be a "tips for bloggers" kind of post, though (I mean, I'm still pretty new to this whole thing and I'm obviously not a "big" blogger, so I'm probably not the best resource for that).  Today's post is more about how I feel about sharing parts of my life on this blog.

Years ago, I started writing in a LiveJournal.  It was initially public, but I later made it "friends only" because I was writing about a lot of extremely personal things.  I still log in to my old LiveJournal from time to time to read my old entries.  It's nice to have those memories documented somewhere (even though some entries are actually pretty painful to read).

The reason I bring this up now is because sometimes I have a hard time determining how much I should share on this blog.  When I started Divulge and Indulge, I started it with the intention of sharing both recipes and personal thoughts and stories.  The problem with this, though, is that sometimes I like to overshare.  (Just ask my husband!)

Writing (even in a blog) can be extremely cathartic for me.  Because of this, sometimes it's difficult for me to draw the line between what's okay to share in a public forum and what isn't.  I think it's awesome when bloggers really put themselves out there by sharing really personal things.  Sometimes I'll read a post and think, "Wow!  I wish I felt comfortable enough to write something so personal on my blog."

Unfortunately, I have "the fear."  The biggest reason I haven't really put myself out there and promoted my blog is because I get absolutely terrified when I start thinking about who might find it.  This is also the biggest reason why I don't always write extremely personal posts.  While I've never shared anything I wouldn't want someone I know in real life to read, I also don't know how I'd feel if I actually knew that a friend, family member, coworker, or even casual acquaintance came across my blog and read through it.

Here's the thing ... I don't really tell many people that I have a blog.  I've mentioned it to my mom, my mother-in-law, and a couple of friends (but only because I was really drunk and felt like sharing everything that evening).  I've never shared the title or link with any of them, though.  In fact, the only person I know in real life who has read this blog (that I know of, anyway) is my husband.  (He's actually probably my only regular reader, which is actually pretty sweet and awesome.)

I don't know ... I guess it's just weird to think about someone I know in real life reading this.  I feel kind of silly saying that because the shit I used to write about in my LiveJournal was ridiculously personal and the majority of the people on my friends list with access to those entries were people I was friends with in real life.  Granted, I don't know if everyone read everything I wrote (in fact, I doubt they did since I'd often write lengthy entries and post multiple times a week) ... But the point is that I was comfortable enough to share those things knowing that someone I knew in real life had access to it.

I do hope that eventually I'll overcome this fear I've developed and start sharing more personal things.  I actually have a post scheduled later this week that I was a little hesitant to share (and trust me when I say it underwent numerous edits before I felt comfortable enough to schedule it), so maybe that will be a starting point.  Honestly, it's not even that personal.  I think it was just a difficult subject for me to write about because it's something I've been struggling to put into words for a while.  And, for whatever reason, one day it just kind of came pouring out.  I felt better after writing it, but it's one of those things that I might feel awkward about if someone I knew in real life read it.

Hopefully I'll start to drift back toward my LiveJournal mentality ... The "I don't give a fuck if someone I know reads this" attitude.  I'm not saying I'm suddenly going to share every detail of my life on this blog.  (Seriously, who would want to read that kind of shit anyway?)  I'm just saying that I want to start pushing myself to post things I'm uncomfortable sharing once in a while.

I also need to break out of my shell a bit and comment on the blogs I read or try participating in a link-up or ... Something.  I don't need to have 10,000+ followers or anything, but it might be nice to know that a few people regularly read and care about what I have to say.  And, based on everything I've read (and common sense, of course), the best way to get readers is to promote your blog either directly (by purchasing ad space on a popular blog) or indirectly (by commenting, participating in link-ups and giveaways, etc.).  It's just hard for me to do this because I'm constantly thinking, "What if everything I write is complete shit?"  Or, going back to my other major issue, "What if someone I know in real life starts reading this and thinks I'm [insert negative word here ... Examples include stupid, lame, narcissistic, and crazy]?"

I know it's dumb, but I worry about that kind of thing.  I just need to stop worrying and start pushing myself out of my comfort zone when it comes to blogging.

We'll see how this goes.