Mind Dump Monday: I Just Needed To Write Something

One of the most difficult things about blogging (for me, at least) is finding the time and motivation for it. That's definitely been the case lately.

Sometimes I can't come up with anything interesting to write about. And, while that's frustrating, I can eventually come up with something. Other times (like now), I have several ideas for posts ... I just can't seem to bring myself to sit down and work on them. Then I start to feel completely overwhelmed because I allow myself to get so far behind on anything even remotely related to blogging. And then I start to hate it.

So ... That explains my absence lately. 

I keep trying to get back into some sort of routine, but things are probably going to be very feast or famine around here for the next couple of months because fall seems to be the busiest time of year for me. Between my mom's upcoming visit, my anniversary trip with Eric (I'll talk about this a little more in a future post, but we finally booked everything!), and any random fall activities, October and November are pretty packed.

I'm going to try to get a few posts written and up this week (but no promises), so I'll go into a little more detail about what's been going on with me lately at that point. For now, I just wanted to post this as kind of a "Hey, I'm still around. I know I've been a shitty blogger lately, but I'll try to eventually get back into some sort of groove." thing.

I had to start somewhere, I guess.

Currently I'm ...

I shared some random life update things in my post on Monday, and considered just using that for the link-up today with Kristen and Gretchen ... But then I decided not to. I just felt like writing another post, I guess. (Plus I have a not so great update, so there's that.)

Currently I'm:

Reading: Let the Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist ... Still. I started this book on July 24th, and it feels like I've been reading it forever. It's not bad or anything, but it's pretty long (almost 500 pages). I also haven't had as much time for reading lately (and sometimes haven't even felt like reading), so there's that. I should at least finish it before the next Show Us Your Books! link-up. I hope.

Listening To: A lot of Chris Cornell. I probably spent the entire week before the concert listening to everything Chris Cornell, and that really hasn't changed since the show. I loved that he played songs from every part of his career (as well as some awesome covers of Led Zeppelin, Prince, and even Michael Jackson songs!). I'm posting a couple more songs than usual in this post because I couldn't narrow it down (and because I wanted to represent all of his projects). #sorrynotsorry









Wishing: Things were a little different right now. I think I got a little overly excited about my mom's visit, and now I wish I hadn't posted about it on Monday. It's nothing too serious (she's thankfully not in the hospital or anything!), but she's had a very bad reaction to some new medication ... And she's now rescheduling her visit. It's not a huge deal since obviously I want her to get better (and no one should have to travel when they feel like absolute shit), but it sucks. We were both looking forward to seeing each other, and now we'll have to wait a little longer.

Spending: More than usual, but that's (mostly) okay. I love saving money, but I also love spending it (as long as I'm spending it on fun things!). As I mentioned on Monday, my birthday is this month. I don't want to overspend, but I've decided to adopt an "it's okay to treat myself a little" attitude this month. I'm not going to buy a bunch of really expensive stuff or buy every single thing I see that I want, but I'd like to get at least a few fun things for myself.

Trying: To get a little healthier before Eric and I head in for our annual health screen on the 27th. If we get a decent score (I can't remember the minimum, but I think it might be 85/100), we get a discount on our health insurance through his employer. Last year I got 100/100, which was completely amazing. I doubt I'll do that well this year. I've been exercising pretty regularly, but I've also been eating like shit 90% of the time. I've been slowly trying to cut down my portions, but it's never easy to do that. I'm hungry and I want lots of food, dammit!



Thinking: A lot about "old times." I know I said this on Monday, but I always get really nostalgic around my birthday. In honor of this, here's a picture of me with my best friend, Kevin, during Christmas break our senior year of college (December 2005):



This was right before I started dying my hair black. I dyed it darker brown as sort of a "trial run" before going black, so it's still darker than my natural color ... But definitely not as dark as all of my more recent pictures! It was also super short back then (probably the shortest it's ever been).

Craving: Potato salad. I posted these Mustard Roasted Potatoes last week, and I mentioned that the mustard/potato combination kind of reminded me of potato salad. I told a couple of people at work that I was craving potato salad, and they were both nice enough to bring some in for our Friday treats two weeks in a row! I didn't get great pictures, but here was my very full plate a couple of weeks ago:



And, yes, I ate every bite.

Loving: That I won a $25 Amazon gift card from Erin and Dani's Read My Books challenge! This was my first time winning anything in a blogger challenge, and it completely made my week when they told me I was one of the winners!

Planning: Our anniversary trip ... Sort of. We keep throwing new ideas out there, checking prices, etc., but nothing has actually been booked. It's crazy. I mean, November is coming up soon, and we still haven't figured out exactly what we want to do or what our trip budget should be. As you may remember from my last "currently" post, I've recently dealt with some pretty expensive car repairs, so that's why we're not sure how much we actually want to spend on a vacation this year. Regardless, I know we both want (and probably need) to get away and do something fun ... So we need to figure that out pretty soon.

Mind Dump Monday: The First of August (My Birth Month!) and Other Random Stuff

I haven't written a post like this since January, so I figured it was time to switch things up a bit and post about the random shit going on in my head right now. Why not, right?

1. I hate cleaning. Hate it. And, while I'm writing this in part because I really wanted to make more of an effort to post on my blog in the upcoming weeks, I'm also writing it because I don't feel like cleaning. If I'm working on my blog, I'm clearly too "busy" to clean. Obviously I know I can't put it off forever, but I'll put it off as long as I can.

2. I probably could have opened with something a little more interesting, but there's a reason Eric and I are deep cleaning the apartment this week: my mom is coming to visit! She'll be here for 10 days, and I've been trying to come up with some fun stuff to do while she's in town. I'm sure we'll probably just hang out sometimes (especially since it's supposed to be so hot!), but we'll also hit up some good restaurants and maybe do a little shopping or something. I took a few half days and a couple of full days off work, so we should have plenty of time together. I haven't seen her since December, so it will definitely be good to see her again.

3. Since my mom will be in town, I will probably be much slower with responses to comments and with commenting on other blogs. I'm trying to make sure I have some posts scheduled and ready during that time, and also still plan to participate in a couple of my usual link-ups (What's New With You with Kristen and Gretchen and Show Us Your Books! with Steph and Jana), but it may take me a little while to get around to commenting on other posts.

4. On a completely different note (or maybe not, since my mom and I have always said we're a little like Lorelei and Rory except for the whole getting pregnant at 16 thing), I'm ridiculously excited about the upcoming Gilmore Girls Netflix special! Gilmore Girls has been one of my all-time favorite shows since high school, and it's one of the few shows I regularly rewatch. It may sound silly, but I felt like I grew up with Rory. I could really relate to her in a lot of ways, and, since she was a year behind me in school, I was experiencing many of the same issues at the time the show aired. (A perfect example of relating to Rory: I cried for at least an hour the first time I got a B in a college class because apparently a B meant I was stupid and would never amount to anything in life. I wish I were exaggerating, but sadly I am not.)



5. I've been feeling very nostalgic lately, and many of my conversations have centered around memories from high school and college. It seems like this happens every year around this time, probably because my birthday is in August. I think there's something about becoming a year older that inspires me to remember the past (both the good and the bad).

6. I mentioned this in my last "currently" post, but I recently saw Garbage and Chris Cornell in concert! This definitely goes along with the whole nostalgia thing, and probably forced me to start thinking back on the old days a little earlier than usual. (Both shows were amazing, by the way.) I'd seen Garbage once before, way back in 1999. But Chris Cornell? That was almost 20 years in the making. I've loved him (and every band he's been associated with) since I was 12. Seeing him live was, quite literally, a dream come true. I may have cried a little. No big deal.



7. I used to dread getting older. I mean, I still wouldn't say I like it ... But I don't think I dread it the way I used to. Anyway, Steph, Kristen, and Erin have all inspired me to embrace my birth month. I'm not going to go crazy or anything (I've been spending way too much money lately and need to cut back at some point!), but I want to spend this month doing things I enjoy and treating myself now and then. When August is over, I can return my focus to saving more and spending less (especially since the only major thing I have coming up in September and October is a work trip, and I'll obviously be reimbursed for any food/transportation/lodging costs that aren't paid upfront by my company). Now I just need to figure out how I want to treat myself ...

Currently I'm ...

I haven't written a "currently" post since May, and it's once again time for the "What's New With You?" link-up with Kristen and Gretchen ... So it seemed like the right time for a post filled with random thoughts and updates. I would have preferred to write a more detailed update of the last few months (I haven't written one of those since February), but, once again, I just ran out of time. It happens.

This post is kind of all over the place. I've been so up and down lately (more down than up, unfortunately), and I feel like this post kind of reflects that.

Currently I'm:

Reading: Mister Sandman by Barbara Gowdy. I really should be reading books for the challenges I'm participating in, but I wanted to read at least one more book I owned but hadn't yet read. I'm almost finished, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I'm not 100% sure what I'll read next, but it will be something from the small stack of library books I posted on Instagram last Friday.



Listening To: Some old favorites I haven't listened to in a long time. Sometimes it's nice to put on a playlist from 5 or 6 years ago (yes, my iPod is that old!) and rediscover bands and songs you once had on heavy rotation. Below you can find a couple of the songs I've been listening to most often:



and



Wishing: I had an endless supply of money. As you'll see below, I've been spending like crazy. And, unfortunately, most of the things I've been spending money on haven't been "fun" items.

Spending: $1,000,000 on car repairs. Okay, that's obviously a major exaggeration, but that's how it feels. It's just one thing after another. Why must everything need to be replaced and/or decide to go wrong all at once? Why did I buy a European car with expensive parts? The world may never know.

Trying: Not to allow myself to get sucked back into the black hole of depression. I spent most of May feeling incredibly depressed, but I started feeling a little better in June. Lately, though, I haven't been doing so well. I hate to make this a downer post, but I always try to be as real and honest as possible on my blog ... And right now I'm struggling. My sleeping patterns are all fucked up, I'm incredibly irritable, I cried for almost two hours straight last weekend (and that's not an exaggeration), I'm not finding much pleasure in any of my hobbies ... The list goes on and on. I really just want to feel better, but I know that's not going to happen overnight.

Thinking: About so many things that I can't wrap my head around. It feels like every time I turn on the news, I see yet another story about innocent people losing their lives for no good reason. It feels like every time I log in to Facebook (which isn't often), someone is sharing ignorant, hate filled thoughts. It makes me wonder how I can possibly know and care about people who feel that way. I don't think these things are necessarily triggers for my depression, but I know they don't help. But, on the other hand, I also know I can't live under a rock and ignore the things going on in the world around me.

Craving: Ice cream, frozen yogurt, and gelato. Finally, I'm coming to a topic that isn't sad or heavy!

Loving: That I somehow managed to do a minimum of 15 minutes of exercise every single day in June. (I'll be posting the rest of my June goal results soon.) I still can't believe I managed to stick with that goal, and I'm beyond proud of myself for doing it!



As you can see, I attempted to take some workout selfies (using a self timer, obviously) so I could throw a few pictures on my blog when I talked about my 30 days of exercise. As you can also see, these didn't turn out very well and I just look kind of silly. (Oh, and I never actually took any of these while I was working out ... It was an afterthought once I'd finished.) Whatever. It's fine.

Planning: To enjoy myself at a couple of concerts this month. It's honestly a little difficult to want to go out and be around a bunch of people right now, but I love music so much and have always relied on it as a form of therapy ... So I think it might be just the thing I need. Eric and I are going to see Garbage tomorrow and Chris Cornell next Thursday! I haven't seen Garbage live since I was 14 or 15, so it should be a really fun, nostalgic show. And Chris Cornell? I've wanted to see him live for what feels like forever. I love everything he's ever done, from Soundgarden to Audioslave to his solo work, and I can't believe I'm finally going to see him perform!

  

Currently I'm ...

I was originally going to do a slightly more in-depth overview of the last couple of months for the link-up with Kristen and Gretchen today, but time kind of got away from me ... So this is what you get.

Currently I'm:

Reading: Version Control by Dexter Palmer. Truth? I placed a hold on it at my library simply because I thought the cover was cool.



It's not really what I expected based on the library and Goodreads summaries, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Up next: Hidden Bodies by Caroline Kepnes. I probably should have read this one first since there are several holds on it at the library, but I'd just finished a crime thriller and wasn't in the mood to read a book with a sociopathic main character.

Listening To: A completely random mix of things. Right now I'd say I've mostly been listening to this:



And this:



I clearly wasn't kidding when I said I've been listening to a completely random mix of things.

Wishing: I could spend time with my mom this weekend for Mother's Day.

Spending: $0.00 for 5 books from Barnes & Noble. I know it sounds too good to be true, but it is. I had a couple of gift cards that covered the entire cost of the purchase, and I actually earned a little over $3.00 by ordering them through Swagbucks. So basically I got paid to shop for books. (Just don't remind me that I was going to try not to buy any books until I read at least a few that were already sitting on my shelves.)

Trying: A few new (to me) restaurants.

Eric and I went to Block 16 last month. I ordered the Dragon Wrap with chicken, he got the pulled pork roll, and we got an order of Duck Duck Goose Fries to share. (Those fries are topped with duck confit and are just as delicious as I imagined they'd be!)


We also met up with my friend Danielle last Saturday for drinks and food at Blatt Beer and Table. She happened to be in town for work, and we decided to use that as an excuse to pig out. The picture on the left is round one: Buffalo Chachos, pretzel bites, and chicharones with lots of hot sauce. The picture on the right is round two: falafel, chicken fingers, and pulled pork on top of a cornbread waffle.


I'm also going out with my friend Elaine for shopping and dinner this Saturday, and we're planning to try the new "fancy" food court at one of the malls. That may sound weird (I mean, who gets excited about eating at a food court?), but I think this place looks awesome. It definitely beats grabbing Taco Bell after a long day of shopping!

Thinking: That this post is actually becoming much longer than I thought it would be when I sat down to write it.

Craving: Donuts. More specifically, Dunkin' Donuts donuts. I managed to talk Eric into going with me a couple of weekends ago to pick up half a dozen donuts plus a couple of iced coffees, and now I want to eat them every day. (I didn't take pictures of any of this because I scarfed down two donuts in about 30 seconds and only then considered the fact that "good" bloggers remember to take pictures before most of their shit is gone. Whatever, it's fine.)

Loving: The fact that lately some days have been perfect for taking walks around the neighborhood.


Planning: To tackle some of the things on my "To Do" list next week while Eric is traveling for work. I don't know why, but it always seems easier to get shit done when he's not home. Hopefully it will be a productive week!

Currently I'm ...

I've been trying to make an effort to post more often, but lately I haven't had the time. Or, if I do have time, I'm more interested in doing something else (mostly hanging out with Eric or reading) or just too exhausted to form coherent sentences.

I wasn't really in the mood to post today (I really don't like posting on weekends for some reason), but I figured I had the extra time and energy ... So, why not?

Since I didn't sit down with a specific topic in mind this evening, I decided to just go the super easy route and do a "currently" post. I'm hoping this will put me back into a blogging frame of mind because I tend to work harder to make time for blogging if I'm feeling inspired to write.

But anyway, here's what I'm up to right now:

Currently I'm:

Reading: Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney. This is one of the last books I need to complete for Book Challenge by Erin 4.0. I still have two more to go. I was hoping to finish the challenge by the end of this month, but it's already the 27th and one of the books I have left is over 500 pages long ... So maybe that won't happen. Oh well. It's not like I can't complete it by the end of April! I'm planning to read This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper next.

Listening To: A lot of Tori Amos.

Especially this:



And this:



Side note: It's the 20 year anniversary of Tori's Boys for Pele album. 20 years. It's hard to believe that that many years have passed since the late(ish) '90s. This also makes me feel old. (Though, to be fair, I was still only 11 years old and in 6th grade in 1996. But still ... 20 years?)

Wishing: I could find my motivation. I haven't felt like doing much of anything lately, and it's starting to annoy me. I keep putting things off and then wonder why my "To Do" list is suddenly a mile long.

Spending: Much more than I probably should. I wanted to be more frugal this year, and managed to do a great job cutting back in January and February. Then March rolled around and suddenly I decided it was necessary to eat out and get snacks and/or Doubleshots at work multiple times each week. I didn't buy any other frivolous items, but that doesn't make up for spending a bunch of money on crap. Not to mention the fact that I'm clearly not making healthy choices when I do this. Whomp whomp.



Trying: To get back on track. I've been horrible with meal planning (which, of course, leads to eating out randomly throughout the week), horrible with blogging stuff, and horrible with motivating myself to work out. I don't like to beat myself down or anything, but putting this stuff on my blog makes me feel like I should get it together. After all, I don't want to come back a month later and feel like nothing has changed.

Thinking: That I want to learn how to do more with my hair and makeup. I've been tempted to try some new hair products and makeup (bought using a gift card, of course), but I feel like I'll just end up looking like this:


Or, even worse:


I'm just not very skilled when it comes to that stuff. (And yes, I watch YouTube tutorials sometimes and still can't seem to figure it out!)

Craving: Chocolate and potato chips. I've completely given in to both of these cravings on a regular basis this month, and yet I still feel like I need them. I ate at least half a bag of salt and vinegar chips while I was typing this post. Haha.

Loving: These videos that have made me laugh like crazy over the last couple of weeks:



That one is a little long, but totally worth watching (if you haven't seen it already).

And the video below? Well, let's just say I wouldn't be exaggerating if I told you that Eric and I watched this video at least 15 times in a row the other night. We've become obsessed with this kid's "forceful serenading" (and the voice change about halfway through). Haha.



Planning: To try a bunch of new recipes in the upcoming weeks. I got really excited when I was putting together a grocery list yesterday. (Further proof that I'm old? Or maybe just easily excited? Haha.) I can't wait to see how they turn out. Hopefully they're all amazing so I'll have plenty of new recipes to share!

Life Right Now: February 2016

I know that February is the shortest month, but even with the additional day this year it seemed to completely fly by. So, since I wanted to make general life update posts once a month this year, I knew I had to get this one up today!

Right Now in Entertainment:

- I've been slacking on my reading a bit this month, mostly because I've been either really busy, really tired, or really sick. I realized yesterday that I hadn't even picked up the book I was reading in two days because I just didn't have the time. (Well, not until it was so late that I was too tired to hold my eyes open.)

- Although it's been taking me a little longer to get through each book, I've read some really great ones this month. My next Show Us Your Books! post won't be as long as the last one, but at least it won't be full of books I didn't enjoy.

- As some of you may have seen on my Instagram, I went to one of those painting/drinking wine classes with a couple of friends from work on Saturday morning. It was a lot of fun, and it's something I'd definitely do again. And, while my painting wasn't amazing or perfect, I thought it was decent. (Especially considering I'd never done anything like that before!) Plus there were mimosas, and the first one was included in the price of the class!

Right Now in General Life Updates:

- I was sick for the first two weeks of February, so I basically did a whole lot of nothing during that time. Except maybe for this:



- Unfortunately, that means I completely sucked with my goals this month. Whomp whomp. I'm planning to share a goals and results post a little later this week, so you'll see what I mean. 

- Eric and I tried a local Mediterranean place, El Basha, for the first time a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing. The place was really tiny, so it was a little difficult to find a table on a busy Saturday night, but the food more than made up for that. We ordered the mezza plate for our appetizer (which contained hummus, falafel, taboule, and baba ghanuje and came with fresh, warm pita bread). I had a falafel wrap with fries, and Eric got the lamb shish kabob platter with grilled vegetables, rice, and a salad on the side. The fries weren't great (not bad, just not great), but everything else I tried was delicious. I actually think this may have been the best falafel I've ever had!



It's clearly not a fancy place, but we got all of that food (plus two sodas) for a little over $30 ... So we didn't really go in expecting a fancy meal. I have a feeling this will become one of our regular places!

- I had a 9 hour long Skype date with my two friends that I usually Skype and travel with the same evening that Eric and I went out to El Basha. 9 hours. When I finally crawled into bed a little after 5:00 a.m. on Sunday morning, I accidentally woke Eric up. He said, "Did you fall asleep on the couch after you guys finished talking or something?" and I was like, "No ... We just finished." He looked at his phone to check the time, and his response was, "What the hell did you guys have to talk about for that long???" Haha.

Right Now in Things I'm Looking Forward To:

- Eric and I are going to see The Witch tomorrow night at the Alamo Drafthouse. That place opened a few months ago, and we keep saying we want to go ... So we decided to have a random Tuesday night date night so that we could see this movie before it stops showing there. I hope the movie is as scary as I think it's going to be!



- We also got tickets to see The Spill Canvas in April. We haven't been to a concert in almost a year (which is seriously crazy for me!), and I think this will be a really fun show. They're doing a "Requestour," which basically means you get to vote for the songs you'd most want to hear and they'll play the songs that get the most votes. Hopefully a lot of people going to the show in Omaha will want to hear the same songs I voted for!  

The beginning of February was pretty awful because getting sick guaranteed that I had zero energy and zero motivation to do anything besides sleep as much as possible. By the end of the month, though, the better things like trying a great new restaurant, catching up with friends that live far away, and painting for the first time with friends definitely outweighed the bad.

Now if I can get myself back on track with goals, blogging stuff, and working out in March, I'll be very happy!

Currently I'm ...

Yes, I realize that I just wrote a "life lately" post last week and a "currently" post is basically the same idea. But I really wanted to link up with Kristen and Gretchen today, and, to be completely honest, I wasn't feeling any of the 20 blog posts I started before this one.

So I'll save those for another time, and talk about some completely random shit today.

Currently I'm:

Reading: The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards. This is my second book for Book Challenge by Erin 4.0, and I have several others from my list already checked out from the library. I think I'll probably go for Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson next.

Listening To: A lot of Radiohead.

Especially this:



And this:



Wishing: I had more time to do everything I want (and need) to do. Seriously ... 24 hours just isn't enough most days.

Spending: Less money in general. One of my New Year's resolutions for 2016 is to be more frugal, and I think I've been doing pretty well so far. I'm not on a spending freeze or anything, but I'm trying to be more aware of my spending habits in order to cut back on unnecessary expenses.

Trying: To avoid getting sick. Eric has been feverish and coughing his head off for the last couple of days, and I've basically been like this:



Thinking: That I should have chosen something less time consuming to make for work tomorrow. I have to bake a couple of pans of pasta tonight, and, while it isn't difficult, it takes time. (And yet I keep putting it off.)

Craving: Mediterranean food. Specifically falafel. And hummus. And kebabs. Yum.

Loving: That this weekend is going to be mostly free and relaxing. I have a Skype date with two of my girlfriends on Saturday, and I'm planning to work out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. But other than that? Totally free.



Planning: To spend some time reading, stalking checking out new blogs from this link-up, and working on some blog posts this weekend. (Obviously I give zero fucks about the Superbowl.)

Life Right Now: January 2016

I haven't written a "life lately" post since October, so it seemed like it was probably time for a general life update. 

Right Now in Entertainment:

- I've been ramping up my reading in an effort to finish the Semi-Charmed Winter Book Challenge before the month is over. Can I do it? I don't know. I'm cutting it close, but I still may pull through.

- Speaking of reading challenges, I finished my first book for Book Challenge by Erin 4.0! (In case you're wondering, that book was The Martian.) Once January/the SCWBC15 is over, I'll be able to turn my focus to this challenge. I already have several books checked out from the library in preparation. (And yes, I realize this picture also contains a book I've already finished for the challenge. Whatever.)


- With all this reading, my next Show Us Your Books! post is going to be huge. (Don't say I didn't warn you.)

- Eric and I finished Making a Murderer earlier this month. So much of what happened was so crazy (particularly when it came to Brendon) that I found it hard to believe it actually happened. I haven't read any of the articles claiming to have more information that have been floating around online yet, but I plan to at some point. (I know Jana recently posted a couple of related links that I need to check out!)

- We also just finished the last available season of Law & Order: SVU on Netflix. I know I mentioned this on Monday, but I'm disappointed that the older seasons aren't available right now. I love Olivia but I do miss Elliot.

- We've now moved on to Californication. I watched at least two or three seasons years ago, but Eric had never seen it. He loves it (possibly because of all the raunchy humor and boobs?). I love it for many reasons, but especially because the main character is a writer and because there are a lot of great literary and musical references. Win win.

- I'm clearly getting addicted to Netflix. Again.

- We also finally watched Inside Out this month. I was planning to watch it for the Fall Film Challenge, but I obviously didn't get to it before the challenge ended in November. It was even better than I thought it would be! If you haven't seen it, you should. (And prepare to get emotional. I cried not once, but twice. I'm such a sap.)

Right Now in General Life Updates:

- For the most part, I've been sticking with my January goals. I'm planning to write a post at the end of the month that goes into more detail (this definitely helps with accountability!), and I'm pretty excited that I'll actually be able to mark most of them off with a PASS.

- I need some new workout shoes, but I'm not sure what I want. I just know that I really need to get rid of the shoes I have now. I've had them for about five years, and, for some unknown reason, they're starting to hurt my feet. (Maybe because they're old?) I have a couple of gift cards I can use so I'll get them for free (or next to nothing), but I can't figure out what color/style/brand I want to go with. If anyone has a favorite style/brand of workout shoe, please feel free to leave a suggestion!

- Clearly my life is kind of boring right now. Haha.

Right Now in Things I'm Looking Forward To:

- Tomorrow Eric and I are having a much needed date night. We've been trying to be a little more frugal this month, but we've also been getting a little stir crazy hanging around the apartment every weekend ... So it's definitely time to get out and do something fun! We're not doing anything amazing or original (dinner and a movie), but I'm really looking forward to it.

- We're going to one of our favorite restaurants, Saigon, for dinner and since we first talked about making plans for a date night, I've been craving a huge, spicy, delicious bowl of pho. And bubble tea. Always bubble tea.


- I'm even more excited about the movie, though. We're going to see Anomalisa, which has been on my "Must See" list (which, if you're wondering, is much shorter than my "To Read" list) since I first heard that Charlie Kaufman had something new in the works. It's finally here! I love Charlie Kaufman films (with the exception of Human Nature), and I really hope this lives up to my expectations.


I think I may start making these "Life Right Now" posts a regular monthly thing. My life isn't always super exciting, but these posts are kind of fun to write. I also like reading these types of posts on other blogs, so hopefully at least a few people will like reading them on mine. (And it doesn't hurt that Kristen is now cohosting a link-up that these types of posts would be perfect for!)

Mind Dump Monday: My Lack of Motivation

I've really been struggling to find motivation to blog lately. One of my New Year's resolutions this year is to work on a blogging schedule and stick to it, but, as of today, I haven't managed to get my shit together enough to do that.

Although I struggle with writer's block from time to time, this is not one of those times. If nothing else, I still have to finish my New Mexico recaps (which is kind of ridiculous considering that trip was at the beginning of November!). I also have a few new recipes lined up to share. And, like most bloggers, I keep a list of post ideas that I add to on a regular basis. I could easily pull from that list at any time.

But lately I seem to be more focused on other things. I've been reading a lot, watching a lot of Law & Order: SVU on Netflix with Eric (why did they have to take away all of the early seasons?), and working out a lot. These obviously aren't bad ways to spend my time, but when I put everything blog related on the back burner more often than not, it can be a problem.

I don't like ignoring my blog. I really enjoy coming up with things to write about, sharing experiences and recipes, and connecting with other bloggers.

But sometimes I just don't feel like working on it.

I feel like I write a post like this every few months. I wish I didn't feel the need to do this, but, for whatever reason, sometimes posting about my lack of motivation or my writer's block can help. It may be because I've forced myself to sit down and get something out there ... Who knows?

Hopefully it works for me this time!

Mind Dump Monday: Christmas Travels and Other Random Stuff

I can't believe that in just a few short hours, I'll be on my way to West Virginia to spend Christmas with my family. This is the first time I've been back for Christmas since 2008!

Things I'm looking forward to about this trip include: seeing my family and friends (obviously), meeting my friend's new baby for the first time, seeing the Christmas decorations I grew up with (though I'm sure there are some new additions), slightly warmer weather (and no crazy Nebraska winds!), and my mom's potato casserole at Christmas dinner.

Since I'll be away, I probably won't be quite as quick to respond to comments or other emails this week. (Not that I'm really that quick with responses most of the time anyway.)

I've been an incredibly lazy blogger lately. I wanted to have plenty of posts scheduled for this upcoming week (including another New Mexico recap), and I don't. I'm taking my computer with me, but I don't know how much time I'll have for blogging (or if I'll even feel like posting anything while I'm away). I took my computer to New Mexico and didn't open it once, so we'll see if this trip is any different.

I didn't even share my November goal results because I didn't complete any of them, and I didn't bother making December goals because I knew I couldn't make myself stick to any specific goals this month. I usually like making and completing goals, but I just haven't been feeling it the last couple of months.

I've not only been lazy with my own blog, I've also been falling behind on reading other blogs I follow. I've tried several times to get caught up, but then I get busy with/distracted by other shit and fall behind again. I know it's not a huge deal, but I like reading blogs and I like commenting.

I'm actually really looking forward to the start of the new year. I get that I don't have to wait until January 1 to get my shit together, but let's be honest here ... I'm clearly not going to get into a healthy eating/exercise routine while I'm traveling. I'm also not going to be keeping any sort of schedule. It's just too hard to do that while I'm away from home.

I thought about making this post more interesting with pictures and/or GIFs, but I decided that was too much work. (Again, lazy blogger here.) I mostly just needed to take a minute to type some of my random thoughts out before I hop on a plane and head halfway across the country to visit my family.

Happy Holidays!

Mind Dump Monday: So, About Last Week ...

Have you ever had those days (or weeks or even months) where you just couldn't get motivated to write? You had things you wanted to say, random thoughts floating through your head searching for the perfect place to be released, and found inspiration in numerous places ... And still, every time you found a few quiet moments to sit down and write, you couldn't focus. You couldn't put those ideas into coherent sentences.

So you just didn't write.

That was me last week. 

I wanted to share pictures and thoughts about my recent trip to New Mexico, but I also couldn't get motivated to sift through the hundreds of pictures we took between my phone, Eric's phone, and our camera.

I wanted to share an old recipe that I realized I'd never bothered to post on this blog. I also wanted to update my recipe index, but, again ... No motivation. 

I wanted to actually work on some creative writing again. I've been feeling really inspired lately, and yet I have nothing to show for it. I need to stop procrastinating and just work on shit.

I wanted to find a way to express my thoughts on the things going on in the world, and the often disgusting ways in which people responded. (So disgusting, in fact, that I had to remove myself from Facebook for a while because I just couldn't deal with the hateful and bigoted comments I was seeing much too often. It really opened my eyes to the true character of many people I went to school with.) The overwhelming emotion I felt each time I attempted to put my thoughts into words prevented me from writing anything worth reading.

This week I wanted to start off with a great post, something thoughtful and interesting. And then I realized that until I got rid of the thoughts cluttering my mind, I'd have a hard time writing about the things I want to write about. 

I may make Mind Dump Monday a semi-regular thing. I don't know if I'll do it every week, but there's something to be said about throwing a bunch of the shit running through your mind out there. Sometimes these thoughts may turn into more detailed posts ... Sometimes they won't.

I always enjoy the random thoughts posts by my favorite bloggers. Steph has a great Thursday Thoughts series, Erin has been sharing her Humpday Confessions every Wednesday, and each Friday Jana discusses things going on in her life as well as sharing fun things from the internet in her This Week In ... series (just to name a few). 

So, while this may not be a weekly series, I definitely think some interesting conversations can be generated by these types of posts. Or, if nothing else, it can serve to cleanse my mind and help me focus on what I'd like to say in my next post.

Life Right Now/Random Thoughts and Things

I rarely write "currently" or "life lately" posts because, to be honest, my life isn't always that exciting. Not that I'm complaining. Sometimes I like to reread my old journals (including my LiveJournal), and I have to say that I do not miss living a crazy life worthy of a teen soap opera!

I'm happy with the way things are in my life right now, but I don't always go out and do a lot of things that I'd consider "blogworthy." I mean, if I'm being totally honest here, most of my weekends are pretty low key. And by low key, I mean that at least 80% of my weekends are spent living like a hermit, escaping to the world of books. Nothing wrong with that, right? 

Anyway, today I've decided that I actually have enough random things I want to share to write a post. Some are more exciting than others, but they'll give you a good snapshot of my life right now.

Right Now in Entertainment:

- I'm slowly making my way through my gigantic stack of library books. I returned a couple today, but, of course, I had one waiting on my hold shelf. At least I returned more than I checked out (which is rare for me!).

- I'm currently reading Black-Eyed Susans by Julia Heaberlin, and I'm having trouble getting into it. I think part of the problem is that I've been reading it in very short spurts, but I don't know. I feel like it's taking me forever to read it. I started it on Tuesday, and I'm not even 100 pages in! I hope it wows me soon because I was on the waiting list at the library for at least 3 months for this, and I was so excited when I finally brought it home!

- Speaking of books, I still need to finish reading and commenting on the blogs that participated in Steph and Jana's Show Us Your Books! link-up. I've gotten so many great recommendations so far, and my "To Read" list just keeps growing!

- I've been on a huge Dallas Green kick thanks to the release of the new City and Colour album last Friday. I knew he'd be exploring some new sounds on this album (his willingness to play around with different musical styles is just one of the reasons I love him), and I definitely wasn't disappointed! 

- In addition to If I Should Go Before You, I've been listening to the entire Alexisonfire catalog on shuffle every afternoon on my drive home from work. The weather has been beautiful lately, so I've been enjoying it by opening my sunroof and singing at the top of my lungs. Definitely one of my favorite things to do.

- And just one more Dallas Green related thing (sorrynotsorry). When I was trying to figure out what live Alexisonfire video I wanted to include in my post last week, I found some videos of them performing back around 2004-2006, and I could not get over how young they look! I know it's been like 10 years and I've seen plenty of pictures of them from that era, but man ... They're just so adorable with their headbanging. Also weird/funny: Dallas with no facial hair and significantly fewer tattoos and George actually wearing a shirt. Haha.

(P.S. The quality of this video isn't as shitty as the still frame would have you believe. Also, this is a shortened version of the song, but you can at least get the idea.)

Okay, I promise to stop going on and on about how much I love Dallas Green ... For now, anyway.

Right Now in Random Shit I Like:

- I've been having some issues with breakouts lately. It's nothing serious (thankfully I've never had any major issues with my skin!), but it's annoying. I started using Aveeno Clear Complexion Foaming Cleanser a couple of weeks ago, and my skin looks so much better already! It's also not drying out, which is a problem I often have when I'm trying to fight breakouts. (By the way, this isn't sponsored or anything, I just really like this product and wanted to share it!)

Via

- I always take a late morning break at work in an effort to recharge. I'm usually starving by this point, and my new favorite thing to snack on is a Clif Bar. If you haven't tried them, you should ... They're so fucking good! They have a ton of varieties, which is really nice if you're like me and find yourself eating one every day during the workweek. (Again, this isn't sponsored ... I just really love these. If you don't believe me, see the picture below.)

Right Now in Things I'm Looking Forward To:

- I'm getting really excited for Christmas this year. I've been pretty depressed around Christmas for the past few years, so this is a nice change. I think I'm mostly excited because Eric and I will be flying to my hometown to spend Christmas with my family. This is something I haven't done since 2008 (and my grandmother passed away the following month). I'm hoping I can shake off the sadness this year and just enjoy the time with my family. 

- Eric and I finally picked a destination for our anniversary trip next month! We were having a hard time agreeing on where to go, and it suddenly just clicked for us in the most random way.

At first we considered going back to Europe (we considered Greece and Spain), but we really didn't want to spend that much money. It just wasn't practical for us to blow thousands of dollars on a vacation this year, so we started researching places closer to home.

New Orleans was pretty high on both our lists, but we knew we'd probably end up spending a lot on food and alcohol if we went there ... So not exactly a "cheap" trip.

We then started considering places within driving distance, and Colorado seemed like a good option. The only problem is that Eric has already been there several times, and we really wanted to go somewhere that was new to both of us.

So then I just started researching bed & breakfasts in random states we'd never been to that were 15 hours away or less. I found The Chocolate Turtle in Corrales, New Mexico and asked Eric what he thought. He thought it seemed like it was exactly what we were looking for, and we booked a room shortly after.

New Mexico is completely random and pretty far away for a road trip (about 13.5 hours, according to Google Maps!), but I think we're going to have a lot of fun. And, really, we were sold after looking at pictures like this:

Via

I can't wait!

If anyone has been to New Mexico (specifically the Albuquerque area), please feel free to give me some recommendations on places to eat, things to see, etc. We're only staying 5 nights, and we have a few things in mind already, but I'm always open to suggestions!

Words of Wisdom: 30 Things I've Learned in 30 Years

With my 31st birthday just one day away, it seemed like the perfect time to write this post. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I never actually sat down to work on it until now.



1. There will always be someone who is "more" than you: smarter, more attractive, funnier, more talented, etc. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll be able to stop constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling like a failure if you don't measure up.

2. On the other hand, it's okay to feel a little sad if you haven't accomplished everything you wanted to by this point in your life. Just don't give up on those goals!

3. Life happens and things don't always go according to plan. Accept it and move on with plan B (or C or D ...).

4. One of the greatest, most freeing things you can do is remove toxic people from your life. Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes it's a significant other, and sometimes it's even a family member. But if this person is making you feel bad about yourself or treating you like shit, it's time to move on (no matter who they are).

5. Some people, however, will stay in your life forever. These people are incredibly special and should be treated as such.

6. You should never feel guilty for taking time for yourself.

7. Heartbreak is an inevitable part of life for most people. It's awful at the time, but you'll emerge so much stronger.

8. Love usually creeps in when you least expect it. It's such a cliché, but it's a cliché for a reason.

9. Be grateful for the things you have.

10. You won't always agree with everyone, and you may even have some very unpopular opinions. That's okay. We don't all have to be the same.

11. It's also okay to judge people for behaving like assholes. Don't put your douchery on display for all to see if you don't want to be judged.

12. Don't feel pressured to validate your life choices. Unless you're actively harming yourself or others, no one has the right to tell you which path to take.

13. Don't be afraid to open up and share personal struggles. Everyone struggles with something, and sometimes it's better to know you're not alone.

14. It's easy to forget this sometimes, but true success is not measured by how much money you have or the things you own.

15. Reading is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself. It not only exercises your mind, but also gives you an opportunity to escape your day-to-day routine (even if only for a short time).

16. Get out of your comfort zone once in a while.

17. See as much of the world as you can.

18. Try to avoid living with regrets. It can be difficult sometimes, but learn from your mistakes and move on. Nothing is gained by dwelling on the things you can't change.

19. Similarly, remember that every decision you've made brought you to where you are right now, in this moment.

20. Nothing worth having comes easily. Whether it's a specific personal goal, a promotion at work, or even a relationship, you have to work at it.

21. Sometimes being an adult can really suck.

22. On the other hand, sometimes being an adult is really awesome. The freedom to (mostly) do what you want when you want is amazing.

23. If you ever feel like you just can't deal with something (even something major), just remember that you're stronger than you think you are. You'll get through it in your own way in your own time.

24. While incredibly expensive, a college education is priceless. (And it's not just the things you learn in the lecture halls.)

25. No one else notices the things you think they do. You're your own worst critic. Never forget that.

26. However, it's completely normal to have insecurities. We all do.

27. It's okay to ask for help.

28. Be open to new experiences and ideas. Don't shut yourself off just because you think you might not like it. You may surprise yourself.

29. Sometimes a small, simple thing can make the biggest impact.

30. No one thing can define you. You are the sum of all your parts.

Now it's your turn. What are some words of wisdom you'd like to share?

Closeness Has Nothing to Do With Distance

If you're reading this, I've already boarded a plane and am on my way to visit my best friend, Kevin. He lives in Ohio (or nearly 800 miles away, according to Google maps).

I found this while looking for images with long distance friendship quotes.  If you like it, you can purchase it here. (And no, this isn't a sponsored thing ... I just wanted to give proper credit!

Long distance friendships aren't easy. In fact, the majority of my closest friends live elsewhere: Ohio, Kentucky, Washington, Florida, West Virginia, and Minnesota (to name a few). I think this goes with the territory as an adult (especially if you've moved to another state at some point in your life), but it can still suck at times.

It's most difficult when you spend a lot of time apart. I haven't seen a few of my friends (Kevin included) since my wedding in November 2013. It's not that we don't want to see each other ... It's just that we all have other responsibilities. It's not always easy to get away (even for a long weekend!) or coordinate schedules, and it's definitely not cheap.

But even though I don't see them as often as I'd like, I still consider these people to be some of my closest friends. These are the people I immediately run to when I need advice or want to share news (whether good or bad). These are the people I trust with my secrets. These are the people I can spend hours laughing or crying with. These are the people I want in my life forever, even if we have to work a little harder to maintain our friendships.

This weekend, though, Kevin and I won't have to work as hard ... We can just enjoy the time we have together. And since we've always been able to easily pick back up where we left off, it won't even feel like it's been so long since we've seen each other. I'm really lucky to have a friend like this.

A Few Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me ...

I've shared a lot of personal posts since starting this blog in April 2014. I've "confessed" a few things, shared some of my blogging fears (as well as described the ways in which I sometimes suck as a blogger!), and talked about how my husband and I first met. A couple of months ago I also wrote a post filled with random facts about me.

It's safe to say that I love personal posts. They can be challenging to write (especially when the question of "How much should I share?" keeps popping into my head!), but I enjoy sharing pieces of myself and my life on this blog.

I also enjoy reading these types of posts on other blogs, so when I saw that Helene was hosting a link-up this week with the theme "You Probably Don't Know ..." I was beyond excited. I'm looking forward to reading what others choose to share and getting to know some new bloggers through this link-up!

You probably don't know that when I watch Gilmore Girls now, I still relate most to Rory despite being closer in age to Lorelei. I grew up watching that show (Rory was actually just a year behind me in school), so I was going through (or had just gone through, in some cases) a lot of the same things she was. I also just have more in common with her in general. I too am passionate about reading and writing, I was also an overachieving student, and I was a serial monogamist who wasn't that great at casual dating. (I never slept with a married ex-boyfriend, though.)

You probably don't know that I don't know how to sew. I can't even mend a hole in a sock or sew a button back on a sweater. Sometimes I feel like I should at least try to learn (I mean, it's probably not that difficult), but I really just have no desire to do so.

You probably don't know that sometimes I feel bad about writing bad book reviews. I'm in awe of anyone who has the discipline to finish a novel, and I'm even more in awe of those with the courage to put themselves out there, securing a literary agent and shopping their book around until a publisher picks it up. I haven't been able to do that, so who am I to put down someone else's work? (Though, on the other hand, a bad book is a bad book ... You don't have to be a writer to recognize that.)

You probably don't know that I know a lot of random facts about serial killers. I should probably note that my senior Honors thesis in college focused on the psychology of serial killers, and that involved a considerable amount of research. That was 9 years ago, though (God, I'm old!), and I can still spout off a lot of useless information on this topic. It's just something that interests me (and apparently lots of other people as well, given the popularity of shows like Dexter and Criminal Minds).

You probably don't know that I have a lot of trouble making decisions. And I'm not just talking about life changing decisions (like determining if I'll ever be ready to procreate, for example). This extends to deciding on which restaurant we should go to, what time I should meet up with someone, which book I should read next, which picture I should use in a blog post, etc. It's ridiculous.

You probably don't know that I love seeing my favorite bands and artists live. Okay, you probably do know that if you've looked at some of my music related posts, but you may not know that I love concerts so much that I talked Eric into going to Montreal with me in December 2010 (yes, we went to Canada in the winter!) to see Alexisonfire in concert because they weren't doing a U.S. tour. Totally worth it!

You probably don't know that I often wonder if anyone I know in real life has stumbled across my blog. I've been working on Divulge and Indulge for over a year now and I still haven't told many people in my life about it. But it's not really that difficult to find things online, so I wonder if they've discovered it on their own, and, if so, what they think (and if they'd ever tell me that they found it).

Trying to Live in the Moment in the Age of Blogging and Social Media

Even though I was only in Florida for a few short days, I decided to take a weeklong break from blogging. Sure, I could have scheduled some posts before I left, but I just didn't have the time or energy to do that ... So I didn't.

While I was away, I took very few pictures. My days and nights were mostly spent lounging around with my friends, talking, laughing, eating, and drinking. It wasn't the most exciting or eventful trip, but it was relaxing and fun ... And that's exactly what I was hoping for.

The thing about blogging is that sometimes it's difficult to just live in the moment. I'm always looking around for something I can photograph to make my posts more beautiful or thinking of the ways in which I can write about my thoughts and experiences.

I think this extends to most people today, though ... Not just bloggers. Just think about every time you log on to Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media outlet. Whether the person blogs or not, you're guaranteed a variety of pictures and/or blurbs detailing everything from vacations and parties to births and graduations to new haircuts and random meals. There's almost no need to interact with anyone anymore since everything you'd ever need to know about them is plastered all over the internet.

I'm not saying I'm any better. I obviously write in this blog, sharing personal thoughts and stories and pictures from my life. I never know if anyone will care about what I have to say (or if anyone will even stumble across my blog at all). Sometimes I feel self conscious about the things I share or the images I post. Once in a while (like now) I feel like I should have spent a little more time taking pictures so that I could have some visuals when I write about something I've done recently. (Because obviously if there are no pictures, it didn't happen ... Or that's what some people like to say, anyway.)

But here's the thing ... I wanted to be present while I was in Florida. I wanted to live in the moment, enjoy the time I had with my friends. I didn't want to waste my time focused on getting the perfect shot or thinking about how I could describe my time away in my blog. 

I have to admit that I did post a couple of pictures on Instagram while I was away ... I guess I just couldn't stay away completely. But, for the most part, I put away my phone and my laptop and just enjoyed myself.

And I'm so glad I did.

Musings on Motherhood

As I'm sure we all know, Mother's Day was yesterday. Last year I shared a little about my relationship with my mom in an effort to celebrate how awesome she is from afar.

This year I decided to do something a little different and focus my Mother's Day post on my own thoughts on becoming a mother. (And before anyone reading this jumps to any conclusions, I need to say that I am not pregnant.)

Image provided by Unsplash (unsplash.com) and edited by me.

I'm going to be completely honest and say that I've never really wanted children. As many of my friends talked about their hopes of finding a great guy to settle down and have kids with, I dreamed of having an interesting career, traveling the world, and writing and publishing novels. And, while I thought it might be nice to have someone to share my life with, I wasn't overly interested in getting married.

If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time (or even if you look at my "About Me" page), it's pretty obvious that I eventually decided I could do the whole marriage thing. I was terrified, though. I mean, marriage isn't something I took lightly ... It's a pretty big commitment.

However, marriage isn't the biggest commitment you can make. That honor goes to becoming a parent.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm pretty wishy washy when it comes to having children. There are so many pros and cons, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed at the mere thought of having a person in my life who is completely dependent upon me for everything. Yes, I know they eventually get older and more self sufficient, but it's not like that happens overnight.

I can be a pretty selfish person. (See #9 here.) I like having time for myself to read or write or listen to music or watch something I enjoy on Netflix. I like traveling. I like my regular trips to the hair salon. I like treating myself to a nice meal out or new clothes or a concert.

Deep down I know that having a child doesn't mean you have to give everything up. My mom has always been awesome and has always put me first, but that didn't mean she didn't do things for herself as well. When I was growing up, we always had regular appointments at the hair salon. We'd go out to eat on a fairly regular basis (often with the rest of my incredibly small family). We went on some cool vacations, including a trip to Massachusetts (spending most of our time in Boston and Salem) when I was 9 and a trip to California that included stops in San Diego, Los Angeles, and San Francisco when I was 12. We enjoyed shopping trips together and she would typically buy things for both of us (unless we just couldn't find anything we liked).

We didn't do everything together, though. I spent time with friends or alone (I've always needed my alone time!), and my mom did the same. She also worked full time and managed our household alone for the majority of my life (my parents divorced when I was pretty young).

My mom obviously found a way to balance being a mother with being an individual with her own set of interests and hobbies. In doing this, I was also given the freedom to grow into my own person ... She wasn't hovering over me constantly or playing with me every second. I was able to learn to be more independent and more creative. This isn't to say that she didn't spend time with me or help me with things, but she gave me room to develop my own interests and skills and I think I've benefited from this tremendously.

But here's the thing ... Even though I had a great maternal role model, I'm scared to become a mother. I know absolutely nothing about kids. I don't even particularly like kids. I've never changed a diaper. I've never held a kid that was younger than 7 or 8 months. And pregnancy and childbirth? I fear that more than I fear death. (And no, I'm absolutely not kidding about that.)

Some days, though, I think it might be okay to have a kid. I'd have an opportunity to fill someone's life with great experiences. I'd be able to teach them to be understanding and open-minded (among other things). I could create an environment encouraging a love for learning and books and music. And I'd be lucky enough to do it with a great partner.

But I'm still scared. This isn't something you can just jump into without any real thought. Kids are expensive and time consuming (especially for the first few years of their lives!). As I said earlier, having a kid is probably the biggest commitment you can make. (And, unfortunately, I have an extreme fear of commitment.)

I often wonder, "What if I just don't like being a mom?" I mean, really ... What then? This is exactly why I think having a child is a bigger commitment than getting married. If you're unhappy in a marriage, you can get divorced. It's not ideal, obviously, but it's a solution if your problems are too great to be resolved. If you're unhappy as a parent, though, what can you do? You can't just dump your kid off onto the nearest relative and take off (well, you could but you really shouldn't if you don't want to fuck that kid up for life). You're kind of stuck (at least for 18 years).

I know this isn't something I'm going to figure out immediately. I don't anticipate waking up one morning with a sense of clarity that leads me to believe I'm going to be a great mom (or, conversely, a sense of clarity that makes me realize I should never be a mother). These are just my random thoughts on the subject.

It's something I do think about often because, as a woman rapidly approaching her 31st birthday, I can't afford to put it off forever. I know I'm still relatively young, but I also don't have the luxury of taking several years to figure it all out. When I was in my early 20s, the idea of getting married and having kids seemed like something I wouldn't even have to consider for a long time. And I was right ... I mean, I didn't get married until I was 29. I obviously had plenty of time to figure out if marriage was something I actually wanted. But now I don't have 8-10 years to decide if having kids is right for me.

This post is all over the place and longer than I anticipated. (And probably a little heavy for first thing on a Monday.) I guess the point is this: I'm still not sure how I feel when it comes to the idea of motherhood, but I need to figure it out pretty soon.

 If you read through my rambling, thank you. And if you have any advice or thoughts on this topic, please feel free to share in the comments (or in an email if you're not comfortable posting those thoughts here).