Words of Wisdom: 30 Things I've Learned in 30 Years

With my 31st birthday just one day away, it seemed like the perfect time to write this post. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I never actually sat down to work on it until now.



1. There will always be someone who is "more" than you: smarter, more attractive, funnier, more talented, etc. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll be able to stop constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling like a failure if you don't measure up.

2. On the other hand, it's okay to feel a little sad if you haven't accomplished everything you wanted to by this point in your life. Just don't give up on those goals!

3. Life happens and things don't always go according to plan. Accept it and move on with plan B (or C or D ...).

4. One of the greatest, most freeing things you can do is remove toxic people from your life. Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes it's a significant other, and sometimes it's even a family member. But if this person is making you feel bad about yourself or treating you like shit, it's time to move on (no matter who they are).

5. Some people, however, will stay in your life forever. These people are incredibly special and should be treated as such.

6. You should never feel guilty for taking time for yourself.

7. Heartbreak is an inevitable part of life for most people. It's awful at the time, but you'll emerge so much stronger.

8. Love usually creeps in when you least expect it. It's such a cliché, but it's a cliché for a reason.

9. Be grateful for the things you have.

10. You won't always agree with everyone, and you may even have some very unpopular opinions. That's okay. We don't all have to be the same.

11. It's also okay to judge people for behaving like assholes. Don't put your douchery on display for all to see if you don't want to be judged.

12. Don't feel pressured to validate your life choices. Unless you're actively harming yourself or others, no one has the right to tell you which path to take.

13. Don't be afraid to open up and share personal struggles. Everyone struggles with something, and sometimes it's better to know you're not alone.

14. It's easy to forget this sometimes, but true success is not measured by how much money you have or the things you own.

15. Reading is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself. It not only exercises your mind, but also gives you an opportunity to escape your day-to-day routine (even if only for a short time).

16. Get out of your comfort zone once in a while.

17. See as much of the world as you can.

18. Try to avoid living with regrets. It can be difficult sometimes, but learn from your mistakes and move on. Nothing is gained by dwelling on the things you can't change.

19. Similarly, remember that every decision you've made brought you to where you are right now, in this moment.

20. Nothing worth having comes easily. Whether it's a specific personal goal, a promotion at work, or even a relationship, you have to work at it.

21. Sometimes being an adult can really suck.

22. On the other hand, sometimes being an adult is really awesome. The freedom to (mostly) do what you want when you want is amazing.

23. If you ever feel like you just can't deal with something (even something major), just remember that you're stronger than you think you are. You'll get through it in your own way in your own time.

24. While incredibly expensive, a college education is priceless. (And it's not just the things you learn in the lecture halls.)

25. No one else notices the things you think they do. You're your own worst critic. Never forget that.

26. However, it's completely normal to have insecurities. We all do.

27. It's okay to ask for help.

28. Be open to new experiences and ideas. Don't shut yourself off just because you think you might not like it. You may surprise yourself.

29. Sometimes a small, simple thing can make the biggest impact.

30. No one thing can define you. You are the sum of all your parts.

Now it's your turn. What are some words of wisdom you'd like to share?

Got a Case of the Mondays? 5 Simple Ways to Get Out of a Funk

Mondays are always the worst days for me. I have trouble sleeping anyway, but winding down from the weekend on a Sunday night (even when that weekend was completely relaxing and low key) is so hard. I then, of course, wake up feeling sluggish and irritable. One cup of coffee isn't enough to get me going, but because I insisted on hitting the snooze button a million times before getting up, it's really all I have time to gulp down.

And then I'm heading off into the morning traffic, which, since I leave pretty early, really isn't that terrible. However, there is inevitably at least one idiot out there who does everything in his/her power to piss me off.

When I finally manage to pull into the parking lot at work, I'm greeted with massive amounts of shit that needs to be done right away. I, unlike a lot of people, am fortunate enough to actually really enjoy my job. I'm busy most of the time, but I always feel accomplished at the end of the day. Mondays, however, are always our busiest days. Factor in my lack of sleep and general grumpiness, and it just feels like a major shit show.

I know it sounds like I'm writing this in order to complain about my first world problems. I'm not. I don't even have "a case of the Mondays." (Well, no more than usual anyway.)





















I'm writing this because I think sometimes we all need to give ourselves a boost. We all have days that suck (or that suck the life out of us). As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, it's not always easy for me to lift myself out of a funk ... But it's important that I at least try.

These are a few of the things I do when I've had a particularly trying day. Sure, these things won't fix my mood when I'm going through a period of major depression ... But they definitely work on the average Monday when I just feel zapped of energy and need to shake my grumpy mood.

Image provided by Unsplash (unsplash.com) and edited by me.

1.  Hit the gym.

This is the easiest way to naturally boost your mood. I think it's pretty safe to say that most people already know this, but I had to include it anyway because this is usually the first thing I do if I'm feeling sluggish and blah. I feel amazing for the rest of the evening after a great workout. And if I've gone to a yoga class, I also feel more energized and less anxious.

2.  Relax with a book.

If you've read many of my posts, I think you probably already know that I love to read. For me, reading is all about escaping into a completely different world. So when I'm feeling the need to get out of my own head for a while, getting lost in a book is the perfect distraction.

3.  Turn the music up in my car and sing along.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm one of those people you see at red lights completely rocking out in the car. I've always loved music more than most things, so it's probably no surprise that I often use it to boost my mood. There's something particularly satisfying about singing at the top of my lungs in the car, though, especially if I've had a really stressful day.

4.  Wear something new.

While I don't always have the luxury of wearing something new for the first time, I sometimes like to save things for the days I think I'll need a pick-me-up. There's just something about putting on a new outfit or pair of shoes or accessory that instantly makes me feel a little better and more confident.

5.  Write in a journal.

I mentioned that reading can be a great way to escape your thoughts, but what if you want to reflect on them instead? Writing can be extremely cathartic. In fact, I've worked through some of my most serious issues by putting pen to paper and letting every ugly emotion find its way to the page. You don't have to be dealing with something major to get something out of this, though ... Sometimes it just feels good to have a place to vent about whatever annoyed you that day.

As I said, these are just a few simple things I try to do when I want to lift my spirits on a particularly stressful day. They may not work for everyone, but they're quick and easy fixes for me when I find myself feeling really blah.

What are some of your tricks for getting out of a funk?

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work: 7 Tips from Someone Who Has Been There (More Than Once!)

Eric actually took this picture from the plane as we were landing in New York at the beginning of our recent trip.  I edited it (obviously), but I thought it was an appropriate image for today's post.

I used to refer to myself as "The Queen of Long Distance."  (Lovely title, I know.)

Seriously, though ... During my dating years, I seemed to have this weird habit of getting involved with guys who weren't physically around on a regular basis.  This wasn't always the case, of course, but each of my 3 most serious relationships were, at some point, long distance relationships.

Obviously they didn't all work out, but in each case we made it work for a pretty long time.  It definitely wasn't easy, and it required a lot of effort from both people ... But living far away from someone you love doesn't have to mean giving up on the relationship.

Many of the tips I'll be sharing with you today are common sense, but these are some of the things that really helped me deal with the distance.  And, if you ever find yourself in a long distance relationship, maybe they'll help you too.

1.  Make an effort to talk at least once a day every day.  There will be times when, for whatever reason, this just doesn't happen, but those precious minutes (or hours) you have to talk mean everything when you're in a long distance relationship.

2.  Talk about "real" stuff.  I'm not saying you should only have deep philosophical discussions or that you can't ask your boyfriend/girlfriend how his/her day was, but you should definitely push yourself to share more than your favorite color/song/book/movie or the mundane details of your last physics exam.

3.  Don't be afraid to express your feelings.  Obviously if a relationship is in its early stages, you may not be all, "I love you so much and want to marry you and have your babies."  (I mean, I guess you can say those things, but you run the risk of forcing your significant other to run screaming in the opposite direction.  Trust me ... When guys were like this with me early on, I immediately began weighing the pros and cons of remaining in the relationship.  It typically didn't last long.)  When you're apart, though, you have to primarily rely on verbal (or even written) communication to tell the other person you care.  So if you want your significant other to know how you feel, just say it.

4.  Surprise each other.  Grand gestures really aren't necessary ... It's the small things that can really make a difference.  Once, after I'd flown to visit an ex-boyfriend, he met me at the airport.  When we got to his car, he turned it on and asked me if I recognized the music playing.  He'd gotten me a CD I'd mentioned I wanted a few weeks prior and it acted as the soundtrack for our drive back to his place.  It was simple, but nice because he'd obviously been listening (even though I'd just mentioned the CD in passing).  An even better example?  I lived in Wisconsin (about 7 hours from Eric) for a little over a year.  I had no plans one weekend, and was just hanging out in my bedroom, wasting away on the internet.  Suddenly, my apartment buzzer went off.  I kind of got freaked out since it was kind of late on a Friday night, I was in my pajamas, and I wasn't expecting anyone.  I thought maybe someone had buzzed the wrong apartment, so I didn't bother to go to the intercom to check.  My phone started ringing ... It was Eric.  As I answered it, the buzzer went off again.  I told him that someone was outside and that it was kind of freaking me out, and he said, "Maybe you should answer the door."  It still didn't click, so I responded with, "Well, what if it's some weirdo or something?  I don't think any of my friends from work would be stopping by without calling first, and I'm in my pajamas and ..."  He then cut me off and said, "I really think you should just answer the door."  And then I knew.  He'd driven the 7 hours just to see me for a couple of days.  Best surprise ever!

5.  Make the most of your time together.  When you actually have a few days to spend together, enjoy it.  This is an obvious one, I know, but really ... Make every moment count.  Try something new in your city, take a short road trip to a cool place (Eric and I drove to both Chicago and The House on the Rock when I lived in Wisconsin), cook dinner together, spend copious amounts of time cuddling ... The list of options goes on and on.  It doesn't really matter what you're doing, as long as you're having fun and doing it together.

6.  Make plans for future visits.  When you're in a long distance relationship, the end of a visit can make you feel like your whole world is caving in.  There are tearful goodbyes, rib crushing hugs, and kisses you wish would never end.  I'm not going to lie ... It's fucking awful.  That's why making plans for future visits is so important.  If you at least have some sort of plan in the works, it's not quite as hard to say goodbye.  Okay, that's not entirely true ... But it's still nice to have something to look forward to while you watch half of your heart (this probably sounds dramatic, but it's so true when you're in love) head into the airport or drive away.

7.  And, finally, the two most important things you need to make a long distance relationship work: trust and honesty.  Yes, you need trust and honesty in any relationship, but you literally cannot have a long distance relationship without these two things.  You're not going to know what the other person is doing every second of every day, so if they don't pick up the phone when you call, you can't freak out and start imagining that they're out with someone else.  You also can't hide things from each other.  If you're having an issue (especially if it's an issue with them!), you have to be able to talk about it.  If you don't, it can make things awkward at best (or, in a worst case scenario, possibly lead to a blowout fight and an eventual breakup).

Long distance relationships can actually be pretty amazing if you're both willing to put in some effort.  One of the best things about these types of relationships is that they allow you the opportunity to really get to know one another.  You spend a lot of time talking (instead of making out for hours or having sex every chance you get), which helps you build a strong foundation.  The other stuff is great too, of course, but in a long distance relationship it becomes even more special because it doesn't happen all the time.

Long distance relationships also give you the opportunity to share your hometown (or new city, if you've moved) with the other person.  Every time you visit one another, it's like a mini vacation ... And that's actually pretty cool!

They're not for everyone, but they can work out.  The only catch?  If you're really serious about one another, you'll eventually have to live in the same place.  I mean, Eric and I wouldn't be married now if I hadn't taken the plunge and moved to Omaha to be with him.  I won't lie ... I was fucking terrified to make that move.  But I'm so glad I did.

Sorry, I'm No Carrie Bradshaw

I'll still try to give you some relationship advice, though.  Maybe some of it will even be good.

In the last couple of months, I’ve been approached by at least two different friends for relationship advice.  When this happens, I feel several things at once:

1.  I’m glad that this person trusts me enough to share some of the most intimate details of their life and relationship.

2.  I’m flattered that they think I might have some insight that can help them figure out their issues.

3.  I wonder how they see my relationship with my husband.  Does something about it make me seem more qualified to answer their questions and give advice?

4.  And finally, sometimes (not always, but sometimes) I feel a little overwhelmed.  What if I tell them exactly what I think and end up inadvertently hurting them?  What if I give them bad advice based solely on the one side of the story I’m hearing?

Despite any reservations I may have, I actually enjoy giving relationship advice.  I like feeling as though I’ve helped a friend out in some way (even if the only thing I end up doing is listening to them vent).  I also like the fact that discussing this sort of thing allows for a lot of sharing.  I’ve been accused once or twice many times of oversharing, and this is one of the only times in which it’s actually acceptable.  I’m not saying I start telling them every detail of my sex life or all the things that make my relationship work (or, conversely, all the things that caused my previous relationships to fail) … But I do share personal stories that they might find helpful in their particular situation.

But here’s the thing … I’m not sure I’m really qualified to give relationship advice.  I don’t know everything there is to know about making a marriage (or even a dating relationship) work.

Here’s what I do know:

1.  I’ve been in 3 serious relationships.  One of them ended in marriage.

2.  I’ve been in several not-so-serious relationships.

3.  I’ve dated casually.  This really wasn’t my thing.

4.  I’ve broken at least one heart.

5.  I’ve had my own heart broken.

There’s probably more to add here, but that’s enough for now.  The point is, I’ve been around the block a few times.  And I (mostly) mean that in the least slutty way possible.  I may not be Carrie Bradshaw, but I do have some experience to draw from.  So while I’m not going to sit here and say I give the best advice in the world, I think there’s something to be said about the fact that many of my friends have come to me for relationship advice over the years.

And I like to think that maybe some of my advice was helpful.