Thursday, July 7, 2016

Currently I'm ...

I haven't written a "currently" post since May, and it's once again time for the "What's New With You?" link-up with Kristen and Gretchen ... So it seemed like the right time for a post filled with random thoughts and updates. I would have preferred to write a more detailed update of the last few months (I haven't written one of those since February), but, once again, I just ran out of time. It happens.

What's New With You

This post is kind of all over the place. I've been so up and down lately (more down than up, unfortunately), and I feel like this post kind of reflects that.

Currently I'm:

Reading: Mister Sandman by Barbara Gowdy. I really should be reading books for the challenges I'm participating in, but I wanted to read at least one more book I owned but hadn't yet read. I'm almost finished, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I'm not 100% sure what I'll read next, but it will be something from the small stack of library books I posted on Instagram last Friday.

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Listening To: Some old favorites I haven't listened to in a long time. Sometimes it's nice to put on a playlist from 5 or 6 years ago (yes, my iPod is that old!) and rediscover bands and songs you once had on heavy rotation. Below you can find a couple of the songs I've been listening to most often:


Wishing: I had an endless supply of money. As you'll see below, I've been spending like crazy. And, unfortunately, most of the things I've been spending money on haven't been "fun" items.

Spending: $1,000,000 on car repairs. Okay, that's obviously a major exaggeration, but that's how it feels. It's just one thing after another. Why must everything need to be replaced and/or decide to go wrong all at once? Why did I buy a European car with expensive parts? The world may never know.

Trying: Not to allow myself to get sucked back into the black hole of depression. I spent most of May feeling incredibly depressed, but I started feeling a little better in June. Lately, though, I haven't been doing so well. I hate to make this a downer post, but I always try to be as real and honest as possible on my blog ... And right now I'm struggling. My sleeping patterns are all fucked up, I'm incredibly irritable, I cried for almost two hours straight last weekend (and that's not an exaggeration), I'm not finding much pleasure in any of my hobbies ... The list goes on and on. I really just want to feel better, but I know that's not going to happen overnight.

Thinking: About so many things that I can't wrap my head around. It feels like every time I turn on the news, I see yet another story about innocent people losing their lives for no good reason. It feels like every time I log in to Facebook (which isn't often), someone is sharing ignorant, hate filled thoughts. It makes me wonder how I can possibly know and care about people who feel that way. I don't think these things are necessarily triggers for my depression, but I know they don't help. But, on the other hand, I also know I can't live under a rock and ignore the things going on in the world around me.

Craving: Ice cream, frozen yogurt, and gelato. Finally, I'm coming to a topic that isn't sad or heavy!

Loving: That I somehow managed to do a minimum of 15 minutes of exercise every single day in June. (I'll be posting the rest of my June goal results soon.) I still can't believe I managed to stick with that goal, and I'm beyond proud of myself for doing it!

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As you can see, I attempted to take some workout selfies (using a self timer, obviously) so I could throw a few pictures on my blog when I talked about my 30 days of exercise. As you can also see, these didn't turn out very well and I just look kind of silly. (Oh, and I never actually took any of these while I was working out ... It was an afterthought once I'd finished.) Whatever. It's fine.

Planning: To enjoy myself at a couple of concerts this month. It's honestly a little difficult to want to go out and be around a bunch of people right now, but I love music so much and have always relied on it as a form of therapy ... So I think it might be just the thing I need. Eric and I are going to see Garbage tomorrow and Chris Cornell next Thursday! I haven't seen Garbage live since I was 14 or 15, so it should be a really fun, nostalgic show. And Chris Cornell? I've wanted to see him live for what feels like forever. I love everything he's ever done, from Soundgarden to Audioslave to his solo work, and I can't believe I'm finally going to see him perform!

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  1. Those are two FANTASTIC shows to be able to see. I've seen both Garbage and Chris Cornell (his voice blows me away), and I was not disappointed. I know the feeling of not wanting to go out or be around people, but I hope both of those shows are worth it for you.
    BRAVO to you for the June exercise. I like that you challenged yourself 15 minutes a day. We should all be able to carve out 15 minutes a day, but we don't do it. Good on you!
    I feel ya on car repairs. Just a half hour ago, the husband and I were talking about that our car registration is due next week (over $500 here), and that we need new tires to pass the inspection before registration. And, our car insurance is due (that gets billed in 6 month increments). So, ugh, I hate these kind of "adulating" expenses.

  2. Depression sucks. I'm so scared of it coming back that I workout like a fiend in order to keep the good mood around. Hope you feel better soon.

  3. Kudos to you on the exercise. Hopefully it will help with some of the depression you described.

    I know too well the feeling of not wanting to do certain things b/c I have to be among people (my introvert problem), but the good thing about concerts is that you can kind of carve out your own little space and focus on the music/performers. I hope you enjoy the shows.

  4. It's been so long since I have been to a concert !!
    I've been trying to plan around the same time I am in NY but nothing good is ever happening. Talk about bad concert luck. lol

  5. Great job on the workouts! I feel ya on the car repairs. I had hundreds of dollars of repairs right before I drove up to Minnesota & then have had to bring my car in a couple of times since I've been up here.

  6. Hang in there, girlfriend. I wish I could help.

    I'm really proud of your 15 min a day every day in June! That's awesome!

  7. oh hun. first off, congrats on the workouts!!! i knew you could do it!! and those photos are fabulous, silly is awesome. as for the world and the people in it, i wouldn't say i live under a rock, but i do not go searching or let myself find bad news. that sounds horrible, and there are some things that you can't or shouldn't miss, but things happen literally every day and they really get to me, so for my sanity and happiness, i do try and stay away. i'm not trying to say yes live under a rock, but sometimes you do have to step away. not from big huge things because that just takes over the world and there is no rock big enough, but you know what i mean hopefully. i really hope these concerts are what you need or are good for you :) also, i know this is going to sound really flippant but i don't mean it that way - if there is anything i can do to help, please let me know. i want you to feel better as well.

  8. Boooo car repairs but yay ice cream! And way to go on the exercises, that's amazing! I'm trying to get into my own exercise routine over here, but it's so much easier said than done. At the very least I'm trying to get some yoga stretches in each day.
    -- Lisa | Naptime Chai

  9. Car expenses are the worst because it feels like cars are a necessity, but yet I have to spend my "fun" money on it!

    F"someone is sharing ignorant, hate filled thoughts" -->This is why I had to get off of facebook a couple of years ago. There's a difference between opposing viewpoints and hate and idiocy.

  10. Ugh sorry to hear about your car troubles. When it rains it pours it seems like! Good on you for getting in exercise every day. That's an amazing achievement and hopefully that helps keep away some depression. Hoping that July is better for you! Thanks for linking up with us.

  11. I'm sorry you are dealing with feeling down right now. Don't feel bad about posting it! Someone made some negative comments about me posting briefly some sad feelings once, but I feel like that's more their problem. It's your blog, you shouldn't have to put on a happy face for it unless it's beneficial to you. I can understand about feeling frustrated with the news, especially today. I think I've blocked anyone who's made hateful comments, so I haven't seen any on my fb feed lately.